Should you move to another country?

A user guide

Author

Laura Brooke Robson
April 16, 2024

Lately, I keep finding myself trying to simultaneously explain:

  1. Why living abroad is difficult.

  2. Why living abroad is wonderful.

This is because I’ve been talking a lot about how excited I am to move back to the US while also trying to convince my Australian friends that they should come with me. So by popular demand (by which I mean two people), here are my pros and cons of moving to another country.

Cons

  • Expensive! It’s so expensive! You have to pay for visas, which are always expiring (rude), plus any educational/work certifications you need to do, plus airfare whenever you want to go home for holidays/weddings/emergencies.

  • It’s incredibly un-fun to be away from your friends and family. Even when you meet new and wonderful people, it’s pretty unmooring when no one in your vicinity has known you longer than a few years. And FaceTime and Messenger (I ❤️ Ari) are great, but it is, in general, difficult to stay in close contact with lots of people on the other side of the world.

  • You are more alone. As someone who processes emotions by talking about them, I’ve done my best to feel most of my feelings in the morning (because that’s when the time zones coincide to let me talk to my people). Shoutout to my mom for picking up the occasional 2 AM phone call!

  • You will not fit in the way you expect. This is almost certainly a personal one (maybe you don’t feel like you fit in at home and would be a natural fit somewhere else!), but in Australia, I’m less talkative, less gregarious, and less funny than I believe myself to be in the US. Unfortunately, these are all things I really like about myself, and on the whole, I like US Laura more than I like Australia Laura.

I know this is not an Australian flag scrunchie but it is an Australian sporting flag scrunchie pls don’t @ me

Pros

  • Growth! You will definitely grow. It feels kinda self-aggrandizing to say I’ve grown a lot as a person in the past few years, but I think I have. And not just in terms of, you know, “I am more organized and able to handle complicated logistical situations like visas.” I mean that any sort of drastic life change is an excellent means of gathering data about yourself—about the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to lead. And while there’s definitely a way to take this too far (like, don’t throw away a good thing just because you love data), it would be a shame to stop trying to grow.

  • Context. I have a lot more context for how the rest of the world works—what other education systems look like, how different governments operate. This is not always pleasant, but it is interesting. For example, I always knew the rest of the world didn’t like Americans, but I underestimated to what extent. Exhibit A:

  • It’s lovely to give yourself the time and space to enjoy the life stage you’re at without jumping to the next thing. And I think moving abroad does this. I wouldn’t say we should all actively seek out uncomfortable experiences—I mean, don’t go drink hot sauce. But I do think it’s a mistake to forgo joyful/interesting/emotional experiences because you are trying to avoid discomfort. Uncertainty is inherently uncomfortable, so it’s tempting (I find it tempting, at least) to establish as much certainty in your life as quickly as possible. But personally, I’m very glad I didn’t lock my life in stone the way it was when I was 22—when I was 22, I knew a lot less about what I actually wanted to be and do.

This is both a pro and a con, but moving abroad is kind of like breaking up with someone. There’s doubt and frustration, but there’s also freedom and excitement. There are moments of profound loneliness, but there are also moments of transcendent joy. There is a persistent feeling that some part of your identity has been stripped away. But then, in its place, there’s a sense that you are remaking your identity—perhaps into something that is more sincerely you.

Americans get a bad rap for not leaving the US, but what may not be intuitive to Australians is the rate at which Americans move out of their hometowns. It’s common to move across the country for college, make new friends; move across the country for work, make new friends. That doesn’t happen in Melbourne. Melburnians are Melburnians for life. When I first got to Australia, I was enchanted by the multi-generational community networks all around me. Everyone has family dinners on Sunday nights; people stay in touch with their best friends from kindergarten. And while this feels like a safe and supportive environment, I think there’s something wonderful about the American model. In Australia, people tend to keep living with their parents through university and beyond, but most of my American friends left home at 18. And while Americans aren’t necessarily the most aware of other countries’ entertainment or politics, I would say Americans do have a spirit of adventure and self-invention that I really love. So while I wouldn’t tell everyone they must move abroad—and while I wouldn’t necessarily choose to do it a second time—I would say that moving out of your hometown, at least for a while, is weird and wonderful and worth it.

Currently reading: I keep starting these books about rich people behaving badly thinking that they will be as scathing as The White Lotus or as vulnerable as Succession, and they never are. So instead of recommending the book I just read, I will recommend Fleishman Is in Trouble, which I read last year in about 48 hours and to which I now compare all books in this micro-genre. The women have careers (yay!) and the bad behavior feels authentically observed. Haven’t seen the show but let me know if it holds up!

Non-urgent thought of the week: I used an eyedropper extension to get the hex color code of my eyes because Instagram told me to. Apparently, they are not remotely the color I thought they were. This is very confronting and I’ll need some time to adjust. I highly recommend if you want to have a brief identity crisis (personal growth!).

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